I just finished reading a phenomenal set of articles and comments regarding a recent speech by Roy F. Baumeister to the American Psychological Association last August. I highly recommend a full read of all of the following:
- RF Baumeister’s full-text speech, “Is There Anything Good About Men”
- John Tierney’s first post on the subject
- John Tierney’s second post on the subject
Any Gen Gu-Ys out there, please, please comment on this and let me know what your feelings are. We all know that marketing to 18-34 year-old males is a goldmine and these articles give some pretty good, fresh insight into what we’re thinking. Because Lord (and any females in my life) knows I don’t know what I’m thinking half the time.
So here’s the insight that I found fascinating:
Several years ago my wife told me that her male students seemed surprised when she said something positive about men in a lecture. It wasn’t even all that positive — she simply said that men were not to blame for women’s eating disorders, as indicated by some research findings showing that women want to be much thinner than their boyfriends want them to be. Reflecting on the students’ reaction, she mused that the young men were already accustomed to being blamed for everything, both men’s faults and women’s problems to boot. I realized that most men below the age of 50 have never experienced masculinity as a positive thing, especially given the relentless stream of messages about male misbehavior and ostensible male oppression of women, plus the mass media depiction of men as villains and buffoons. When was the last time you heard a news story that depicted men, collectively, in a positive light? [3, above]
I mean, I feel pretty good about being a man. Seems at least easier than the alternative. But I definitely also feel a little shame about the things that I tend to do, that I tend to say, that I tend to gravitate toward. We as men are conditioned by society, culture and media to act a certain way, but also to feel bad about it at the same time. Even our conditioning has been conditioned. Which seems to be why this seems to work for me. I am man. I am incorrigible. I want burgers. Screw tofu.
[youtube]vGLHlvb8skQ[/youtube]
Whenever I see an ad that’s explicitly pro-guy, it makes me feel good, but guiltily. I don’t want to tell the women I know that I like ___ ad, because I worry that they’ll think I’m an ape. I’m not an ape. Just a normal guy with normal guy thoughts. And whenever we’re talking “normal guy thoughts”, we’ll inevitably end up on the topic of sex. Everywhere you look, men are characterized as thoughtless sex demons hell-bent on spreading their seed no matter the cost. Which may or may not be true. But Baumeister points to an interesting reason why us guys are so excited to reproduce.
It all comes down to the ratio of female to male ancestors. I was shocked to learn that over the course of human existence, 80% of women reproduced while only 40% of men ever successfully made mini versions of themselves. This basic, natural fact leads men to be more competitive, more improvisational, work harder, whatever:
For women throughout history (and prehistory), the odds of reproducing have been pretty good. Later in this talk we will ponder things like, why was it so rare for a hundred women to get together and build a ship and sail off to explore unknown regions, whereas men have fairly regularly done such things? But taking chances like that would be stupid, from the perspective of a biological organism seeking to reproduce. They might drown or be killed by savages or catch a disease. For women, the optimal thing to do is go along with the crowd, be nice, play it safe. The odds are good that men will come along and offer sex and you’ll be able to have babies. All that matters is choosing the best offer. We’re descended from women who played it safe.
For men, the outlook was radically different. If you go along with the crowd and play it safe, the odds are you won’t have children. Most men who ever lived did not have descendants who are alive today. Their lines were dead ends. Hence it was necessary to take chances, try new things, be creative, explore other possibilities. Sailing off into the unknown may be risky, and you might drown or be killed or whatever, but then again if you stay home you won’t reproduce anyway. We’re most descended from the type of men who made the risky voyage and managed to come back rich. In that case he would finally get a good chance to pass on his genes. We’re descended from men who took chances (and were lucky). [1, above]
Funny thing is, I feel like I’ll get negative responses from saying that men are more competitive, improvisational… hell, more anything than women. But hey, it helps explain this new Tom Ford cologne ad. I can see the strategy now: “Tom Ford Cologne gets you more…”
Ads like this work not just because they’re provocative, but because they help give men hope. Despite how crazy we all may be for sex, odds are we’re not going to have it. We need things like cologne to help us get noiced, to help increase our odds of scoring. We need ways to identify those GameKillers that may stand in our way of getting in the door, and we need help from things like the Philips Bodygroom to help seal the deal.
Come on, who’s going to argue with an optical inch?
In the end, though, Baumeister argues that culture uses men’s social–and biological–insecurity, “I have a 40% chance of being successful” to move forward. “Men have to prove themselves by producing things the society values. They have to prevail over rivals and enemies in cultural competitions, which is probably why they aren’t as lovable as women,” he states. If we don’t produce, we don’t get to reproduce.
Sorry for wandering. Comments would be appreciated if you made it all the way through.
Comments
Thanks for such an excellent post Clay.
This reminds me of a research that was made by one of my teachers back in college. He argued that men personality is defined as the opposition to female personality, to be more clear he said that parents reinforce certain behavior in their girls and that they pretty much can do anything without their sexuality being judged, instead the education of boys is more focused in restrain some behaviors so they can grow up to be real men. It´s basically that parents today when having a baby boy, they suffer too much to make sure that the boy becomes the socially accepted kind of men.
In 1981,when our son was born, I felt that I had been given the opportunity to raise a boy as I (a feminist) would want a “boy” to raised. This was going to be my chance to nurture the nature OUT of my son. He could have dolls, and books, and art supplies. He didn’t have to be into heavy competitive sports; we could do gymnastics and swimming. The “nurturing” I think softened the “nature”. But even today, as a grown man, when he meets a new woman and he is set to go out on a date I remind him “to be himself”. What I am actually saying is “be less of a guy”.
The problem I have with most advertising targeted at young (hetero) males is that it is NOT about having sex with the women depicted — it’s usually about getting even with women who won’t let them have sex with them, or about simply seeing women but not touching them or crossing the line into a real sexual situation. The highest thrill in most youth advertising is the high-five shared with friends after the strip show, not the actual act of sexual conquest. And the women depicted bear no resemblance, often, to actual human females. It’s as if many men have resigned themselves out of the game of real-world sexual conquest and into a world of simulated sexuality, and it’s that world that advertising speaks to (you yourself say “odds are we’re not going to have it” — that’s crazy talk, man!).
Ads often say to the male audience “you are already defeated by the real women in your world, so go down to your man-cave and plot with your male friends about how to conquer imaginary women”. It’s the sexually frustrated male that is held up as the ideal, the male-as-victim-of-feminism, and apparently audiences eat it up. It is decidedly not, as you suggest, real male sexual desire that is being depicted in advertising (although the Tom Ford ad comes close — ironically a product by a gay guy), and it not real male sexual desire that women and feminists find distasteful. It’s the fake stuff they hate. Women want men who want women, not men who are afraid of women and whose idea of sexuality is based on fake images of women, Men have to get over this if they really want to have hot sex with women. Sometimes I think that hot sex with women is not even what an increasing number of men actually want. They prefer the simulations to the reality. That’s sad.
The fact that eating so much food that women find you disgusting to look at, as the BK ad advocates, makes someone feel more like a man… well, that just show how far from true manhood we have strayed. We shouldn’t turn to food to celebrate our male identity, especially when that food-eating is framed as a hostile gesture to women. And in any event, most American women actually do pig out on food just as much as men, so it’s not even really something men can really claim as their own.
interesting. and made moreso by the comments. i know my mother means the same thing when i go on dates. and think my father means be the yourself that mom’s talking about. funny, that a job interview version would be “take no prisoners”/do what you have to to win…from both of them!
wonder if there’s research to match about gender’s propensity to take risks. further, wonder if the attitudinal research matches the behavior – # of entrepreneurs would be a decent place to start i suppose. sky diving perhaps.
read a few times and each time i read i have different thoughts (good post) and wish i had commented as such. i know the social insecurities are real and think that eating disorder example is quite telling. had never thought about its link to biological disposition – i admit i don’t think about that often as i like to believe i can change anything i want about myself (male trait maybe and sometimes good – i hear my parents telling me i “can be whoever i want/do whatever i want”) and the world (thus, meaning i can have my choice with whom i make babies i guess
).
also, i have to point out that we don’t know if the tom ford cologne ad works. actually feels like it’s at odds with our 2 insecurities. i want to get some action but still feel enough “man’s guilt” (socially-speaking) to find that ad disgusting/tasteless/not-for-me. plus, tom ford is a sex symbol already, so seems to me making that link is an unnecessary job for the ad.
shit, didn’t realize the smiley face would come up full force. i swear, ladies, i’m not a creep. i have a great sense of humor
Daniel -
Thanks, man. Appreciated. Ever since fresman year of college, when we studied the idea of “The Other” (with a capital O), I have been fascinated with the way we as humans create identities in opposition with those around us. I AM like him, I AM NOT like her. Etc. Good reading on this: Edward Said, Orientalism. Excellent book. I’m finding it very interesting that you write that girls in Colombia “can do anything without their sexuality being judged” … I’d say it’s almost exactly the opposite here. Seems as though people assume men are craven, while women are stepping outside their norm if they have a sexualized persona. There’s definitely a stigma against it. Is it different down there?
Mom -
We talked about this the other day… it’s always interesting to be able to tell girls that I can sew, that I’ve made a quilt, that I kinda learned how to knit, and that I actually can cook. And iron. I think y’all succeeded in making me grow up without the tendencies that all the ‘bad choice boys’ (an actual term we used and continue to use) had, but despite the fact that I was on the swim team, I still act like a pig a pretty good percentage of the time.
Are you really a feminist? I never knew. I thought you were Lutheran.
Christopher -
I’ve had this discussion countless times with classmates in college, mostly in regard to pornography. It’s really interesting that you point out that a lot of this advertising is about getting back at women… that’s a new take that I hadn’t thought of until now. And I think you’re quite right about a good deal of guys dropping out of the real game, preferring to purchase their gratification either at Burger King or at some smut site… I’d bet that’s an eventuality that Baumeister would say is in line with his research; if you have only a 40% chance of reproduction (based on historical projections), then you may as well either:
a) Give up and eat/masturbate to death
b) Go out and do something crazy, like climb Mt. Everest or live in the woods
The best, most natural option, obviously is to try to mate. But history (according to this Baumeister guy) says that no matter how hard we try, 60% of us will end up without offspring. Eh.
I think there’s this idea lurking in many men’s minds that goes something like, “I wish I could just be myself and stop having to behave.” I don’t even know if the “Being myself” idea even involves reproduction…I think it might be just as natural to go live in a cave, hunt and chill out most of the time. I mean, there’s a part of me that wants to just be a farmer and stop trying to make money, stop trying to impress people and generally just check out. Unfortunately, though, I like women, and I do want to reproduce. As such, I feel as if I have to play along, be nice, have a job and health insurance, go to bars and out to eat and to museums and shit.
I’m rambling. I need to think of this some more. Generally, though, I think the BK spot is definitely the “curl up in a cave with your burger, sorry things didn’t work out with the ladies” kind of ad, while the last two ads (for me) are great because they’re so straightforward (cologne/less grotesquely hairy = sex).
E.G. -
Nice smiley. I should warn commenters of that. I love thinking of dates as job interviews, by the way. Although there’s very little talk of resumes or past job performance, because that might be a little awkward.
By the way, this article: “The Social and Personality Correlates of Outdoor Recreation, by Abbott L. Ferriss” is available on JStor and looks like it’s got what we need to get to the bottom of the issue. I’ve been looking around, and haven’t found much conclusive evidence, but it seems like women are less than half as likely to be entrepreneurs than men. Maybe that’s not necessarily behavioral, but cultural, but whatever.
By the way, I wasn’t saying that the Ford ad works, but rather that ads like that do work. Sex does sell. I think.
And yeah, you can be who you wanna be. Screw biology.
All -
Glad the post made you think, thanks for stopping by and contributing!
When I see the photo of that ad, it’s a little hard for me to feel positive about men. Tolerating and consuming that sort of thing really does not do much for the credibility of men with women as a class. Frankly. That’s just common sense.
The first time I heard about the ‘men getting even with women’ was from my current boyfriend. I think it’s different depending on what kind of ‘young male experience’ you have…if you are the type that was rejected by girls and didn’t have the self esteem at the time to bounce back I can see the picture of ‘woman as enemy’ taking shape. Father’s influence I imagine plays into this also.
My boyfriend also said something I’d never thought of before, he said, ‘don’t you understand, women have the power, they choose men’. God, is that really true? It is for me but I’ve never thought I was the norm. I actually thought my trait was more ‘male’ and not very ‘feminine’.
My mom always used to say the balance of family & society is at the feet of women.
I don’t agree with the ‘woman stay home and play it safe’ while men run wild searching for new lands and the next adrenaline fix. Some women are like this also, naturally; some women are like this because they are trying to prove they are equal to men by copying their behavor. Many women just don’t get the same gratification from being sea sick, dirty, hungry and without direction on a boat being beat out on the sea searching for adventure. They don’t ‘play it safe but instead their internal make up (for many) drives them towards motherhood and other different gratifying activities.
As equal as we all try to prove we are…men & women still have base differences (again, some can flout the maxim, I’m speaking in ‘majority rules’, and those who do flout the maxim are fine with me as long as they are being geniune to who they are)…
I read an article about women in leadership re: corporate america. They are serioulsy absent at the executive levels…they don’t want the responsibility that takes them away from their family, on the other hand, men have a driving need to provide. The running of the family is still predominantly done by women, NOT because men don’t help, it seems b/c women want it this way. And I know men help in other ways that are just as important. Same with my parents. Balance.
Seriously, my boyfriend can cook and it’s sexy, he’s not a ‘boys boy’ (thanks to his ma’ma) but there are still major differences in us and he is a ‘real man’ (even if he orders Cosmo’s, which I love!). My question is are women spending too much time today trying to ‘be men’ to prove they are equal? I have a friend who changes lovers like panties (no, you can’t have her phone number); ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ and she’s not happy at all, but her view is, ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. So sad.
And I agree also that men should never be blamed for girls eating disorders…we could talk about marketing & advertising as a contributing factor (was it 20% underweight for all models?), but again, we all have choice to decide what our worth is based upon.
I love that you guys have parents teaching you to sew and to be yourself…b/c the point is, you can sew and be a real man, as a matter of fact, a real woman will understand a man who’s learned to quilt may be the sexiest man alive! And point in case: be geniune (watch football, admit to knowing how to sew, look at the hot girl in the room and picture her naked, and cook dinner), fight the urge to be defined by social billboards and magazine ads, this goes both ways…which leads to the question, for those in marketing & advertising, what responsibility do we have to our society as a whole to create campaigns that do not promote the stereotype, the defamming…beauty, sensuality, sexuality, masculinity can live in artistic, impactful harmony with advertising & marketing. Okay, I hope some of that made sense considering I’ve never in my life ‘blogged’ and I only half understood the above conversations.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQMfBKATxVY